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I lose.

Mon May 25, 2009, 2:53 PM

When I say that "I lose," I mean that I am a loser. I have not made any art in five months. I feel so stupid. This is the first time that I have even logged onto deviantart since Christmas. So, now I am looking at my journal history on the right and I see that I have posted around 5 journals per year, which is quite embarrassing. I have done a lot of old stuff that I would like to put up. There has been a big mixture, and some of it might suck but I don't think that I care.

My year has not gone as I wanted it to. I have gotten D's on my report cards - which is something that has never happened to me since I am a self-proclaimed nerd. I think that I'm just lazy. I want all of this year to be erased so far, I have done nothing productive. I am also currently crazy about this guy who I have talked to... what? I think four or five times. And now summer is here, and I'm still not expecting much of myself.

I'm beginning to think that I will never amount to anything. I had always thought that I was going to be the one in my family to get out there, earn a full scholarship to college and blow the world away. Boy, I was wrong. I like who I am as a person, but I really am nothing special. I have nothing to offer anyone expect that I am different. I'm not enormously talented like all of you on here. I am not exceptionally smart like most of the people that go to my private school. I am not good at talking to guys, I am not super friendly and nice. I am the essence of what it means to be average.

Anyway, after all this random ranting I feel like I am going to go and post some stuff that I will probably regret later. Just so that I can put something up.

I bet no one read this anyway,
Toppie

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